Lotje: One of the therapies I found very useful was Occupational Therapy. Then she would strap cables to my head and apply a couple of milliamps of current to my brain for 20 minutes. Lotje, what did David Lynch mean to you before your stroke?LS: I got into Twin Peaks when I was a teenagerreally, really into Twin Peaks. There were the dulcet tones of Capital Gold radio mixed with the perpetual bleeps of heart monitors. And some risks are worth it. In the first three or four months, I was recording everything that was happening through the day, because I was so fascinated by it and because I had problems with short-term memory. Falling in love was as immediate, raw and unfiltered as if I were doing it for the first time. If it feels weird and uncomfortable, well hold off a bit or maybe we just wont do it.. I used it to record what was going on in my new world. Another change is that Ican access the creative part of my brain more easily. How does he know all this stuff?. Had I disappeared? But I didn't feel any fear. I remember the cognitive psychologist drawing a diagram to indicate where on the scale my old intellect had been, and where it was now. Before the stroke, I think my friends found my cynical sense ofhumour entertaining. "I remember it just felt like I was on the moon and looking down on everything," she tells me by phone, having just landed back in London after showing the film at SXSW festival in Austin, Texas. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. A fluorescent green laptop screen would flash single words at me and simultaneously play them into my ears; I would repeat them back. We have noticed that there is an issue with your subscription billing details. Six years ago, film-maker Lotje Sodderland suffered from a devastating brain haemorrhage. Now I still tell stories, but I tell visual stories. Access unlimited streaming of movies and TV shows with Amazon Prime Video Sign up now for a 30-day free trial. JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. I was just really reminded of his work. "I went to meet her the day after she got out of hospital," says Robinson. He subsequently became an executive producer on the film, "which definitely didn't hurt, having his name on your poster" notes Robinson. A sketch of the monsters she saw in visions and dreams. "We started filming that day and she was still very confused and there was a big part of me that was wary because I knew she was very vulnerable and had to concentrate on recovery. There hasn't been a huge amount of buzz around it but it's early days, and Mark Rylance is an interesting casting for the titular Big Friendly Giant, There's a lot of expectation on director Damien Chazelle's shoulders following the success of Whiplash, one of the smallest films ever to have been nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. She woke up in her east London flat with a blinding headache and. The hospitals language therapist had promised to get me discharged as soon as possible, assuming I was eager to go home. The hotel staff finds her eventually and she is rushed to the hospital where her family finds her the next day. As part of her recovery she designed a motivational psychological programme and she has now developed the app "Recovery After a Brain Injury" to help people faced with similar challenges. My real life began 37 years ago when a puritanical Dutch model with a mission to cut a record called Je Cherche Un Homme met the hedonistic music producer responsible for bringing modern civilisation the pop genre known as y-y, and they fell in love. In her black hoodie with scraped-back hair, winking to her cameraphone and giving a thumbs up, Lotje Sodderland looks like any young woman making a video of herself to send to a friend. But I felt anxious about leaving. The initial goal of 30,000 was exceeded by 7340. Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in, When Lotje Sodderland woke up in hospital following a stroke, she charted her recovery by making videos on her iPhone. I had been a film-maker: could I film this? After two days in an induced coma, with emergency surgery to my parietal and temporal lobes, the parts of my brain wherelanguage and perception are housed, I woke up in aworld I didnt recognise. When Lotje Sodderland woke up in hospital following a stroke, she charted her recovery by making videos on her iPhone. While there have been moments of mourning for my old life, my new limitations mean I have been forced to unravel exactly what I was made of. Doing simple daily activities such as accessing your bank account or doing anything bank-related after a brain injury can be so complicated. Im not dead. Filming what was happening to me was fundamental to my recovery. By making videos and telling the story of his stroke, David found that he was able to visualise the physiological progress he had made and still needed to make. It could have happened at any time. SXSW. Two months after the stroke, my brother took me to a nearby hospital to be assessed for eligibility. Meeting with fellow patients has helped in rebuilding Mrs Tans confidence. At one stage before the film was called My Beautiful Broken Brain, it was called Life Interrupted. Among the faculties Ihadlost was the ability to understand narrative. Since the stroke, I've had to really transform my lifestyle and accept that things are going tobe very different. In a post-surgery self-filmed footage, she shares her excitementof not being dead. Faced with the prospect of growing old and dying alone, he eventually decides to wake up a second passenger', Is nothing sacred? To help communicate, and make sense of her strange new world, Sodderlandfilmed her recovery and the resulting film, My Beautiful Broken Brain,is now on Netflix, executive produced by Twin Peaks director David Lynch. The challenge is to rebuild your identity, Sodderland told me when I spoke with her and Robinson by phone from Austin, Texas, earlier this week. I dont use words in the same way that I did before. Someone told me that the quietest place in London was the Bethnal Green Buddhist Centre. But Lotje survives. Its very different. She made it her mission afterwards to understand . Platoon director Oliver Stone takes on a very important and timely story. I had met friends at the pub, headed home around 10pm, watched the news on my laptop and gone to bed. Lotjeis a fighter and she has the good fortune to have access to therapy. This was a very dramatic change and it happened very suddenly, but you have to accept that change is part of life. It was very painful for my ears. I enjoyed the daily trip, and being surrounded by neuroscientists; Iliked the sense of being an active participant, rather than a passive patient. JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. At the same time, having tamed my hyper-sensitive receptors through daily meditation, wouldnt it be just like the old me to risk it all in the name of adventure? We see Lotje applying herself to the task with determination, over many hours, many days, and it seems that she is reading the words more effortlessly. Unable even to contemplate the idea of fear, it felt as if I had become fear itself. At age 34, film director Lotje Sodderland was struck by an intracerebral haemorrhagic stroke after a night out with her friends. JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. I was just blown away. I would need a code made of numbers. [4][5], Lotje covers some of the daily challenges that she experienced after sustaining injury to her brain through the stroke, not just with dysphasia and apraxia while communicating through expressive verbal language, reading and writing, but also the memory deficits, confusion, cognitive processing and sensory perception changes, over-sensitivity to noise and the sensations of overwhelm, fatigue, frustration, and at times discouragement about future considering the changes in her life. When film-maker Lotje Sodderland had a severe stroke, she lost the ability to speak, read, write or think coherently. Lotje improves, she can now speak fairly fluently. Around April, I also started researching community groups and found Aphasia SG.. Ready for action: A caregivers journey unfolds for feisty grandma, Keeping love fun even when illness strikes, Lotje Sodderland on finding her limit-less possibilities after acquiring aphasia. .LS: I did. I enjoy our talks so much more these days. So it was worth it? Films confused me the glaring shapes hurt my eyes. Davids always been a massive supporter of the film. March 22, 2016. Lotje Sodderlands documentary about her recovery, made with director Sophie Robinson, is now showing at festivals; go to mybeautifulbrokenbrain.com for more information. But he did it in a very collaborative way. Lotje asks: If the physical body the brain is damaged, does this extend the damage to ones self? Directors Sophie Robinson Lotje Sodderland (co-director) Writer Sophie Robinson (uncredited) Stars David Lynch Sophie Robinson Hente Sodderland See production, box office & company info Watch on Netflix My friends and family thought I was going to die and they got quite scared and stressed, especially since we were unfamiliar with neuroscience or the brain. When we first see Sodderland in the riveting new Netflix documentary My Beautiful Broken Brain (premiering Friday after a run at SXSW), shes recording herself on her iPhone in the hospital shortly after regaining consciousness. Her friends describe her as someone impassioned, who was busy multitasking, writing films, writing in general, always readingthick books, someone very articulate. I spent a long time constructing a message, and recording what I felt. I looked around and saw patients in various states of disablement: some were comatose, some were talking to themselves; one, a GuillainBarr syndrome survivor, lay in bed reading. Please, The subscription details associated with this account need to be updated. Read on for more from my conversation with the filmmakers, about their collaboration, how they got David Lynch on board, and what Sodderlands life looks like these days. This is a touchingpersonal story of learning to live with a new self, makinga newlife plan, and the enormous strength and optimism that it takes to achieve this feat. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. She collapses in the hotel bathroom and her memories of the evening end there. Midway through filming, Robinson contacted Lynch's agent to try and show him one of these videos and much to their surprise he sent them an email back. Lotje Sodderland is known for My Beautiful Broken Brain (2014), Limbo (2021) and Can You Rebuild My Brain? This footage, which she captured just weeks after waking up from an induced coma, has become part of My Beautiful Broken Brain, a film by Sodderland and Sophie Robinson, which premieres tomorrow on Netflix. He shared: Im thankful for my friends for stepping in even my friend in Iran offered positive messages to my wife. A formidable Baltic nurse ripped the metal staples from my blood-caked scar. Meanwhile, a multitude of tests were undertaken to ascertain the extent of the damage. I began to draw, bringing to life the monsters I had seen in visions and dreams. I looked at my iPhone, but had no idea how it worked. Looking back it was actuallyvery liberating -to have no ego, no past or future, no understanding of a lost, logical life. After waking, I was diagnosed with aphasia, which affects your cognition and communication skills, and homonymous hemianopsia-meaning I'dlost almost all the vision in my right eye. I use Siri all the time. The latest fashion news, beauty coverage, celebrity style, fashion week updates, culture reviews, and videos on Vogue.com. Through extensive in-patient and out-patient rehabilitation that included occupational therapy, speech therapy, visits with both a psychologist and psychiatrist, she makes a profound recovery, despite the post-seizure regression she experienced following the experimental transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) treatments. There was a chance, Iwas told, that I would be cleverer, faster, altogether better, than I had been pre-stroke. I felt that he would understand my situation. I didnt even know what assessment meant, or what I was being assessed for. With Lotje Sodderland. Even listening to the radio is quite overwhelming. It was decided I would go and live with my mother. Filling in a thick form, the doctor asked me questions, occasionally glancing up to gauge my responses. She has tried reading childrens books with family, rewatching movies with subtitles on, and browsing cooking blogs. Haveyou seen The Exorcist? he said. . (2018). We see Lotje typing a text but she cant read what she has just typed. Nov 2011 - Sep 202210 years 11 months. We just didnt know how to. My life is now split into two: before the stroke, and after. My family and friends knew that I was going to be different after the stroke and they accepted me. I was in hospital, unable to speak or communicate. I see my stroke as a kind of rebirth; unexpected and painful, but also more vivid, filled with purpose, meaning and potential. By the end of my first week out of hospital, I was able to speak, but without much coherence. But can he make it entertaining the way The Big Short did with the financial crisis? I regained my speaking skills and used the film making process as a central tool to figure out who I was through images and sounds. They realised that the recovery process can feel monotonous without some spontaneity. In the middle of the night, I had a crushing headache that took over my entire body and mind. She makes it to a local hotel but she cant speak and so she cant explain whats wrong. Its such a testament to the power of these phones.LS: Definitely. But sarcasm is a complex linguistic process, so I have lost it to some extent. To our great surprise he wrote an email a few days later back. He genuinely seemed really interested in my experience. He said, Do you remember me? Facebook gives people the power to share and makes the world more open and connected. I worked at an advertising agency that was doing some documentary content, and Sophie was a well-established documentary director who had done several science-based programs and series for the BBC. This year, I told my husband that I have a new goal I want to be able to argue with him. I woke to the sound of nurses by my bed, discussing their Christmas plans. She acknowledges that therapists need to assess a person and define what the patients deficits are in order to conduct a proper therapy and figure out how to improve the persons capabilities. Some other friends, however, found it uncomfortable to hang out with an ill person or be around death. I wanted to drink coffee again, andI wanted to get the coffee myself. "But I knew that I'd need some help.". I still cant read for more than a few minutes at a time (these words are brought to you courtesy of Siri), but I see more of the world; a world that may not always have left-to-right linear patterns, but is intuited instead through subtle sensory experience. Dutch-French filmmaker Lotje Sodderland didn't know young people could suffer from a stroke - until she had one herself in 2011, then aged 34. On one hand, it's landed a cast of incredibly funny actresses, but on the other, another reboot? But also I used it just on a practical level, to remember things, like meetings with doctors, and to communicate with friends, because I couldnt read or write. Please, Lotje Sodderland thought her brain damage meant the end of her love life. I had no strategy to survive any catastrophes of the heart was it utterly unwise to expose myself to such potential loss? Thoughts occurred to me. We definitely thought about contacting Apple when we needed money. And had I actually gone mad? I would lieon my bed stiff with anxiety, looking at the ceiling, wishing that sleep would just take me away and return me in the morning. Registered office: 1 London Bridge Street, SE1 9GF. There was a man wheeling me around and I spoke to him - but it didn't seem like he could hear what I was saying. Norcould I read. He is a beautiful superhero/material engineer, who left London torestore a sawmill in Cornwalls ancient forestland, where Inow spend much of my time. The first ability I regained was speech. As Mrs Tan became closer with some of the fellow participants, the couple even started a WhatsApp group for them to continue chatting outside of Chit Chat Cafe. Do you remember this meeting? According to her, making a film about her struggles was the first linear thought she had after the stroke. Somebody gave me back my iPhone in the hospital, a few days after the stroke, and I quickly re-learned how to use it and started recording myself. She became very quiet and withdrawn, while my brother went into saviour mode and wanted to do many things but yet, did not know how. Hopefully the new TV show will offer something a bit less action-orientated and a bit more cerebral, The Bourne series completely went off the boil with Jeremy Renner as its lead, but now both Matt Damon and original director Paul Greengrass are back to steady the ship. David Festenstein, who has written a blog about his recovery from a stroke, has suggested that the video and audio recording capabilities on our smartphones can play a vital role in stroke recovery. Now, he says, I dont interact with people in the same way, that I have become introspective. Published: May 29, 2020 Newlyweds take on challenges of aphasia hand in hand, heart to heart When a sudden illness robbed Mrs Tan of her communication abilities, find out how she and her husband sourced for creative ways to recover while continue to enjoy the sweet moments of married life together. And then we stayed in touch. I really wanted to discover what my limit-less possibilities were in this new world, but I did find it very challenging as the process took a long time, and I am not a very patient person. Following severe brain injuries, the NHS refers patients to inpatient neurological rehabilitation units for psychological, linguistic and physical treatment. Lotje Sodderland is an award winning writer and filmmaker, who started her career as a documentarian at the Institute of Public Policy Research (IPPR) and advertising agency Mother in London. Youve expanded, he said. I didnt sleep for days. Lotje Sodderland makes candid, vulnerable films laced with pathos and humour. My Beautiful Broken Brain aired on Netflix on March 18, 2016. I kept forgetting I was a patient, too, until I saw my name tag and my bed. "Having lost the ability to create a linear narrative it became really important to me to tell this story," she says. One night, Lotje goes out to watch fireworks in London, her hometown, and at the end of the evening, she goes home and . Lotje is asked to read words from a screen while the TMS is stimulating regions of her brain throughher skull in the hope that the brain would be able to find new pathways between her visual and language areas. In 2011, Lotje Sodderland was a 34-year-old Londoner living a life familiar to many: She worked a demanding 24/7 job at an advertising agency, traveled the world, and spent time with her wide circle of friends. 10.6k Followers, 1,026 Following, 1,325 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Lotje Sodderland (@lotje____) Aphasia SG is a not-for-profit organisation supporting persons with aphasia and their caregivers. When he agreed to put his name to it, he insisted that Lotje and I share the executive producer credit with him. "I just thought he'd understand," she says. My brain no longer had the ability to switch off. It is run by a team of dedicated speech therapist volunteers. Now the resulting documentary produced by David Lynch is coming to Netflix, Find your bookmarks in your Independent Premium section, under my profile. [laughs]. [7], My Beautiful Broken Brain had its world premiere at the 2014 International Documentary Film Festival Amsterdam, where it won the DOC U award. See also Other Works | Publicity Listings | Official Sites View agent, publicist, legal and company contact details on IMDbPro Lotje Sodderland My discharge date arrived in early April, but though Iwas out of hospital, my mind was stuck on my limitations. Tom Hanks is your guy. I learned to recognise and forgive the subtleties of my mind, the states of paranoia, fear and anguish, and to tame them. But from that first interview she did on camera, my hairs stood up on my neck.". Colours were brighter, sounds louder and emotions more raw. A white name tag was strapped around my wrist. He explained: The paramedics had seen a bottle of cough syrup in the bedroom and assumed the worst. My brother describes the old me as extremely dynamic, extremely social, very impassioned. My friends who lived overseas, especially Lucy and Anita, who lives in Holland, visited regularly. You wrote a beautiful piece for The Guardian about a year ago about what happened to you . HAPPINESS INITIATIVE SINGAPORE. Vogue may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. Colours were much more vibrantand sounds were louder. Videos Lotje Sodderland Sat 22 Nov 2014 02.30 EST Last modified on Fri 1 Dec 2017 12.22 EST A trailer for My Beautiful Broken Brain, Lotje's documentary about her recovery, made with director Sophie. Though I can write, I still can't read because of the damage to my right visual cortex - all my correspondence is done through Siri on my iPhone. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. I'm not able to work to the same level, and multi-task,as I did before. Through them, I found an opportunity to become a better version of myself by focusing on kindness and being less absorbed in myself. This together with various sequences showing the world from her point-of-view at that time, including for example visual misperceptions (hallucinations), produce a rather personal storytelling style.[3][4][5]. She has a new partner, a new job as a film-maker and cinematographer and is excited for the future. I woke to hear a voice debating the benefits andpitfalls of dipping a ginger nut biscuit in tea,and knew I must be in hospital again. It's expected to have an anti-SeaWorld message, which should make it strike a chord with parents as well as children, There's still a lot of love for Roald Dahl's stories, and this one is being adapted by none other than Steven Spielberg. Here, she speaks to Telegraph Women about the day she became a different person. Before my stroke, Isaw him, his wife and daughters most weeks. She has been commissioned by Channel 4, Netflix, and The Guardian, and nominated for an Emmy Award as well as receiving awards from Wellcome Trust and IDFA Amsterdam. I enjoy silence now, otherwise I cant sleep - my brain cant close down if has too much input during the day. I was so sad to be slow and stupid again. A language therapist asked me to write down a story idea, and then to tell her the story using my written notes to guide me. And in a way? Lotje Sodderland. But I found the therapies a constant reminder of what I couldnt do, rather than what I could. Founded in 2018 by volunteer speech therapists, Aphasia SG aims to create a community where patients with aphasia can bond and speak comfortably at their flagship programme, Chit Chat Cafe. One morning, I put the Biro to an empty sheet of paper, and with asudden momentum, my hand began to write the words that Lucy, who is Australian, had dictated: Throw the bloody boomerang back, mate. A phrase! And she looks great! Her friends and family are relieved. My Beautiful Broken Brainis an intensely personal story of a 34 year old woman, Lotje Sodderland, who documented through film her 1-year journey of recovery from hemorrhagic stroke, which resulted in Aphasia. A WORLD WITHOUT WORDS. Speech therapist Goh Huai Zhi shares his understanding of the brain and insights on aphasia recovery. It didnt, she says, After her stroke Lotje Sodderland tried electronic pulses to fire up parts of the brain responsible for reading. Mit: . Iyearned for solitude. You dont have to have had a brain hemorrhage.. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. Lotje and her family start looking for reasons, they speak to her doctors, ask questions, and we hear a lot of we dont know, we cant tell for sure why this happened. She was a 34-year-old advertising executive with no indications of underlying health issues. As a neurology inpatient at the Royal London hospital, I was nothing more than my case number. EMMY AWARDS. I had regressed. To make sense of what had happened, the former film producer documented her feelings and experiences with her therapies, physiological changes and a newly acquired communication disorder called aphasia through video clips that were turned into a full-length feature film called My Beautiful Broken Brain. When he dropped me off at the station I said: Ithink were going to fall in love, and he said: Ithink so, too.. But it also helped me to recover the narrative aspect of my mind and brain -the ability to tell stories, in a visual way. In the beginning, when I wanted to do a film, my family thought it was really weird, but they still supported me. He then invited Sodderland to a video conference he was doing and when she went to LA on holiday Lynch invited her over for coffee. Butbeforethe end of the therapy, Lotje experiences generalized seizure and is taken to the hospital. When I tried to wake her, I saw a pool of saliva on the pillow, and noticed her speech was slurred and movements were weak.. Iremembered trying to blink the blindness away, my hand lurching wildly into space, searching for my phone but the grids were everywhere. As I got more confident, I filled pages with words written in thick capital letters words that made sense to me, but that no one else could interpret. I was a fan of his magical, frightening, beautiful aesthetic, his mysterious narrative. And so began my new life. A house cleaner desperately searches for her husband as a dreaded criminal syndicate dredges up past tragedies and ultimately drives her to violence. I was found unconscious on the toilet floor at 1pm that afternoon. Iasked a friend if he thought I was a changed woman. But at this stage the doctors couldnt tell me why Ihad lost the ability to speak, read, write or think coherently. My wife had not been feeling well and had slept for over 24 hours. The stroke was an upsetting event in my life, but I could also see it as a great blessing and opportunity to change and simplify my life in a positive way by focusing on what really mattered. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. (laughs), I had to figure out for myself that I was never going to be the same as before and find out how can I work with the new me and see the beauty and positivity in my new limitations.. Photo: Eric Charbonneau / Courtesy of Netflix. I earn a living that way, but I no longer read and write. I have no idea how I walked down four flights of stairs, orhow I found myself across the street in a hotel, trying to ask the receptionists for help. Tv shows with Amazon Prime Video Sign up now for a 30-day free trial such a testament to the of. A patient, too, until I saw my name tag was strapped around my wrist or... 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